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3 Steps to Bluffing that you’re a Golf Expert

3 Steps to Bluffing that you’re a Golf Expert

Ever wished you were a total genius but then realised that you aren’t willing to put the work in? Of course you have. Well, the next time golf crops up in conversation and you’re at a loss for words, simply refer to our handy guide on pretending you know all about the great game. You’ll get all the credit for being a knowledgeable buff without actually having to make any effort.

Maybe golf is a big thing in your office and you want to keep up appearances. Perhaps you’re sick of your Dad underestimating your sporting knowledge and think blagging golf chat will help you to finally win his approval. Or maybe you just like messing with people’s heads.

We aren’t here to judge, we’re here to help you achieve whatever bizarre goal it is you think knowing about golf will help you with.

1) Learn how to reference Tiger Woods

Mentioning Tiger Woods in a golf conversation can be a bit like yelling “David Beckham” when someone brings up football; people can easily assume you’re more aware of his general celebrity than sporting career. But that’s just if you randomly shout Tiger’s name for no reason. For example:

Colleague: Dustin Johnson hits the tee-shot absolutely miles, doesn’t he?

You: Who cares? Tiger Woods is my favorite!

What you need to do is be more specific about Tiger Woods. But how do you do that with no golf knowledge? Easy. Tiger Woods was once so good at golf that any time someone mentions how good a golfer is, in any way at all, just ask if they dominate like Tiger at his peak and it will make sense. For example:

Colleague: Dustin Johnson hits the tee-shot absolutely miles, doesn’t he?

You: He does. But can he dominate the tee-shot like peak Tiger did? No chance.

Source: TigerWoods2011Oct by Angela George is licensed by CC 2.0

Another example:

Colleague: Another tournament for Mcilroy! He’s winning everything, isn’t he?

You: True. But is he winning everything like peak Tiger was winning everything? I think not.

If anybody demands that you provide rationale for this opinion just shrug and say “Come on. This is Peak Tiger we’re talking about here” before walking away casually. You can make a case for Peak Tiger being better at everything in golf than everyone who has ever played it, so nobody is going to call you out.

2) Remember that everything depends on form

Everything doesn’t depend on form in golf. But a golfer on a hot streak can be seen in two ways:

a) He’s playing so well that he will inevitably keep winning
b) He’s playing so well that he’s due an unlucky round or two

You need to take advantage of this doublethink for when someone asks of your prediction for an upcoming tournament. Fortunately, golf fans love showing off their own knowledge, so you’ll know whether the golfer they mention is in good or bad form:

Your Dad: Reckon Sergio will crack the top five this week?

You: Hmmm. Everything depends on form, I reckon.

Your Dad: Come on, he’s been on a hot streak.

You: I personally think that he’s been playing so well, he’s due an unlucky round or two.

Dad: Fair enough. You have now earned my approval via your form-related golf insight.

3) Know Your Majors

Nobody will expect you to have an encyclopaedic knowledge of golf history but all golf fans know the differences between the biggest tournaments that take place every year, aka the Majors. Here’s a cheat sheet:

a) Masters Tournament – held at Augusta every year. You get to put on a green jacket if you win, for some reason.
b) U.S. Open – takes place in, you guessed it, America.
c) The Open Championship – the original Open, takes place on a links (coastal) course.
d) PGA Championship – played at a parkland course in the heat of American summer

Source: Rory Mcilroy by Tour Pro Golf Clubs is licensed by CC 2.0

Now you know the basic gist of each major, here are a few handy catchphrases to memorise should the subject come up:

“Who’s gonna be wearing the green jacket at Augusta this year, then? I bet Rory would look good in it – again!”

“Well, it’s not the real Open is it?”

“I wish Americans would stop calling it “the British open.” It’s THE Open.

“Let’s be honest, nobody’s ever gonna win the PGA five times again. Even Peak Tiger couldn’t do that.”

And if you can’t remember any of them, just say you’re betting on Dustin Johnson. 

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