There’s a (snow) flake in every group of mates. They can be identified by their poor excuses, lack of enthusiasm and refusal to leave their house under any circumstances. In winter time, safety in numbers is vital – and this lone wolf is letting down the pack.
This year, Topgolf is helping you to rid this person of their flaky ways. Follow our guide to melting the flake’s excuses below, and your pack of pals will be frolicking together in the snow in no time at all.
1)“It’s too cold (and wet)”
You could creep into their house, steal their jumpers and refuse to give them back until the flake vacates their bedroom.
But let’s be honest, they’d probably just curl up under the covers and hibernate until Spring. Much easier to tell them that Topgolf has covered, heated bays to keep them dry and toasty as they swing away in the great outdoors.
The one who makes this excuse is actually the only person in the group who ever has money because they never go out and do anything fun .
Getting the flake to respond to a whatsapp message is hard enough as it is, without requesting proof of their bank balance. Much easier to tell them that you’re visiting Topgolf while the special offers are available, so even Mr/Miss Penny-Pincher won’t be put off emerging from their winter slumber.
3) “I’ve got nothing to wear”
This is a lie because flakes rarely bother changing clothes unless they absolutely have to; why bother if you never see anyone?
Flakes are often scrooges - so this Christmas, appeal to their tightness by making the group purchase Xmas jumpers and announce that the sweater comes with a bonus visit to Topgolf. You can clear up the “It’s cold” excuse at the same time, too.
4) “I’m watching the football”
The sporty flake is a tricky one to tackle, particularly during the winter rush of premier league football. Fortunately, we’re equipped for this.
We’ve got screens scattered throughout the venue, so there’s nowhere you can sit without having a perfect view of the game, plus giant TVs at all three UK venues. Like a black bear in the snow, sporty flake has nowhere to hide on matchday.
5) “I’m hungover”
Many a winter explorer has fallen foul of a night-time adventure. But that shouldn’t stop them venturing out once more come the morning.
Provisions are essential in the winter, especially when heads are sore and bellies are full with nothing but weekend beer. Promise the flake a hearty feast of bacon, eggs, sausage and hash browns and they’ll soon be tempted to join you on another adventure. Or at least get out of bed.
6) “I’ve been out too much recently”
Did Robert F Scott stop going out once he’d reached the North Pole? Well yeah, he did actually, because he’d lost his toes to frostbite.
But your flaky mate hasn’t got frost bite, they just have a severe case of “cannot be bothered.” Their real problem is that they’ve been out to the same places far too much; Topgolf on the other hand, is the perfect unique venue to switch things up at.
7) “My partner won’t let me”
This is usually uttered from the timid mouth of the lesser spotted under-the-thumb flake. The key to conquering the obstacle of a stone-cold partner is to channel your communication effectively and tackle the problem head on.
Instead of messaging the whipped flake, text their partner directly, inviting them out on a group date. They’ll either be delighted that you’re extending a warm welcome to join the pack, or they’ll make their own excuse for not coming. In that case, your flaky pal is a lost cause; sometimes you just have to leave a fallen comrade behind.
8) “I’m not drinking”
Topgolf is the best place for a sober night out. Our food is delicious, our beverages cater for non-drinkers and they’ll definitely be crowned the Winter King/Queen of Topgolf scores if they play without consuming alcohol.
Plus, you can get them to drive you home.
9) “I can’t play golf”
This is an absolutely classic excuse for not coming to Topgolf. Just tell them that we’re as much about bonding over tasty food and drink as playing, and the least experienced golfer often wins.
And if this guy is coming, you've got no excuse.