After trying his first salad at Topgolf this afternoon, 21-year-old student Jonathan Swift has immediately turned into irritating health-food obsessive who will simply not stop posting pictures of carrots on Instagram.
“I’d never actually eaten a vegetable before 3 o clock yesterday,” Jonathan told us, smugly. “But after eating one salad, I’m pretty sure I’m now an expert on veganism. I can’t wait to spend the next month reminding my friends of how healthy I am, and how much I love quinoa.”
Since eating his first ever lettuce, Swift has uploaded three separate #healthyeating images to instagram, including one which featured a “before and after” shot of his abs.
“After just one day of being an irritating wazzock, I already have a six-pack”, Jonathan boasted. “If I keep this up, I’m pretty sure I’ll win Mr Universe next year, when I’ll be able to tell even more people about the two healthy meals I’ve now eaten.”
Swift’s Mother has informed us that she expects Jonathan’s “vegan” phase to end around 7pm tomorrow, as she couldn’t find any quorn in the local supermarket. However, it is unknown if Jonathan will be eating dinner at home or posting pictures of himself at the gym while pretending to drink a smoothie.