22-year old receptionist and incredibly annoying Topgolfer Hannah Mclean has achieved the astonishing feat of celebrating two consecutive birthdays in the space of playing one Topgolf game, thanks to spending a ludicrous amount of time on each shot.
“In the time it has taken Hannah to complete a single game of Topgolf on her birthday,” a close friend of the slow golfer told us, “I have gained and lost three stones in weight, had two different jobs, got married, had a child, completed a masters degree, got divorced and the weird alien toy I was given in year 4 has given birth.
“In the meantime, Hannah has failed to beat her top score, despite taking what must have been ten thousand practice swings for each shot.”
Mclean however, has no regrets concerning her year-long visit to Topgolf Addlestone.
“Some people like to go travelling when they turn 21,” she conceded. “But I feel I’ve learned just as much from my year playing Topgolf as I would have done touring the far east.
“People talk about eating authentic Pad Thai and experiencing unusual cuisines, but I’ve eaten every single dish on the Topgolf lunch menu,” she revealed. “In fact, I’ve eaten their ‘classic burger’ 197 times.”
Now Hannah has finally completed her game (and turned 22 in the process), she plans on reconnecting with the rest of her life.
“Obviously, I’ll have to pop into work,” she admitted. “It’s been a while since I’ve been in and I’m not actually sure if the company still exists. I should probably check in on my Nan too. She turned 98 the day after my birthday and I haven’t heard from her for quite a while now...”