In dramatic scenes at Topgolf Chigwell last Saturday, a local woman was seen dumping her boyfriend in the restaurant area after he spent three hours explaining to her what was wrong with her golf swing.
“He does it every bloody time we visit Topgolf,” groaned an exasperated 23-year-old Claire Harding. “Each time I go to hit the ball, he jumps in and tells me what I’m doing wrong. I didn’t actually hit a single ball today because he was too busy showing me how to do it.
The weird thing is, he’s never actually played golf before.”
Professional Golfer Richard Smith claimed he witnessed the incident unfold from a nearby bay. “The guy’s arrogance was astonishing,” Smith revealed. “I’ve never seen someone so confident in giving advice to someone about something they have absolutely no idea about. At one stage, this geezer forced his girlfriend to purposefully aim at other balls, rather than straight at the targets. He claimed it would be easier that way ‘because that’s how Ronnie O’Sullivan does it.’
The boyfriend in question however, is dumbfounded as to why he shouldn’t tell his girlfriend how to play golf, in spite of the fact he has no golfing expertise.
“Look, I might not actually know how to hit a ball properly,” Sean Gibson of Chigwell admitted, “But my Dad plays sometimes and I’m much bigger than her; surely this means I’m a superior athlete. I used to play snooker, for goodness’ sake.”
Statistical analysis has revealed that Sean has lost every game of Topgolf he has ever played against his girlfriend.
This is a satirical article and in no way real news. As far as Topgolf is aware, nobody was dumped in our Chigwell branch this weekend.